This Body

This body
This fat body
Grew you

Birthed you

Fed you

These arms

These fat arms

All bingo wings and stretch marks

Carried you everywhere

Cuddled you as you napped

Stayed awake long nights holding you,

Comforting cries of hunger or pain

Make cakes for you

Still hug you close each day

The legs

These fat legs

Thunder thighs and chub rub

Walked your buggy til you slept

Bounced you on their knees

Paddled with you in the sea

Ran up and down stairs in answer to your call

This bottom 

This fat bottom 

Sat beside your car seat on every journey

Sits in the audience of all your shows

Will sit with you whenever you need me

This stomach

This fat stomach

Stretched and grew to accommodate you

What more does it need to offer 

After that?

This face

This fat, round face

Double chin, hint of a wrinkle,

Smiles

Laughs

Sings for you

Answers questions

Watches you grow and learn and live

Will be the face you remember

When you miss home

Or grow old, long after I am gone 

This fat body 

Has served and loved and taught you

Sacrificed

Adapted

Offered itself up

For you

Yet,

Someone,

Somewhere,

Somehow, 

Taught you to be ashamed of me

Told you

Fat is offensive

Fat is embarrassing 

Fat is displeasing 

How did they get to you?

When I have hidden those negative thoughts from you. 

When I have neutralised fat.

Used it as descriptor

Stated it as fact

Never shied away from the truth of my size

Fat 

And

Beautiful. 

Lived each day 

Speaking only good things about my body

Talking up 

Strong legs

And kind arms

Praising the tummy that was your home

Even when everything I see and hear

Seems to say

I am disgusting

Everything people do not want to be

Lazy, greedy, ugly, bad

Who ruined your precious heart? 

Made you look at me and see something to avoid?

Gave you the fear of speaking the word?

Started you doubting

Your own beauty?

I am fat!

Yes. 

Like Ursula

That fabulous sea witch. 

I am fat. 

Let your sister speak it.

She is not afraid of it. 

Yet. 

But

Deep inside -

And there is a lot of me

So it could be very deep -

I know that

Fear that

Somehow,

Somewhere,

Someone 

Will get to her too. 

And she will turn

And look at me

And feel the same shame

I have felt all my life. 

She will secretly hope to never be like me. 

Dear one

Don’t be that someone. 

Look at me

Look at this

This body

This beautiful 

Strong

Generous

Good

Hardworking

Protective

Nurturing

Soft

Loving

Damned beautiful 

Body

And love me for who I am

For all that I am

And all that I do

All that I have done and will do 

For you

To love yourself 

Will be

My enduring gift to you. 

©️Laura Moore 2020

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Me and Mine - September 2016

Unless I go totally overdue, this will be our last Me and Mine post as a family of 4.

We had a lovely holiday together in September. It was great to spend time together, with days out and lots of laughter. No nappies to change either, since M toilet trained herself, so my need to go to the loo constantly was useful for making sure the kids went too.

I don't know how bringing a baby into this foursome is going to work. The girls are excited, but I worry about them feeling left out, forgotten, ignored. M is quite a bit older now than B was when she was born. Will the greater age gaps be a good thing? They're both quite capable, so I'm hoping they'll be able to help out a bit more than B could.

The dynamics will change. That is certain. But I'm looking forward to seeing the new relationships forming, and to having new adventures.

This month...

The Hubby has enjoyed:
Running

Getting our issues with the Consultant sorted

Our holiday

Hot weather

Watching "White Collar"

I have enjoyed:
"The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt"
Finally getting myself and the girls to a Home Ed meet
Our Norfolk holiday
Crabbing - I caught 5!
Spending time with my grandparents

B has enjoyed:
Getting a beautiful, red bike from her uncle
Visiting her cousin
Colouring
Meeting some Home Ed kids
Her Alice in Wonderland Birthday Party
Our holiday and the chance to spend time with Grandparents and Great Grandparents

M has enjoyed: 
Writing letter Ms
Drawing around her hand
Visiting her cousin and playing with her kitten
Seeing the Seals at Blakeney
Spending time with Grandparents and Great Grandparents

Me and Mine - July 2016

July has disappeared so quickly. I honestly don't know how we've gone from June to it being August tomorrow. Perhaps the realisation that we have only 3 months before the baby arrives, with a to-do list that is growing longer, has made time speed up. Everything always goes quicker when you have lots to do.

It's funny to think that we probably only have two more Me and Mine shots before our family increases to five.

Mamatography 19 - 6 Months On

M is 6 months old today. The time has flown by. She's a delight and we all love her a lot. She has been breastfeed with the aid of donor milk and some formula administered with a supplemental nursing system. She cut her first tooth yesterday and has been on solids for nearly three weeks. And only a few of the fears I had about caring for two children have been realised, though being a mother of two really is a whole different ball game!

Here's what I have learned over the past 6 months:

Mamatography 1

I thought I'd start the year with a look at my little family. Last New Year there were only three of us, and now we are four. B loves her little sister. M was grizzling when I put her down on the playmat, but as soon as B lay down next to her, and said, "Alright, little girl," the way I do, she smiled and chilled. The rabbits are B's and M's; presents from my sister. B has had hers for two years, and now M has a matching one. And I love this photo of the hubby with M - they have the same facial expression.

This post is part of the Mamatography 2014 Project with Diary of a First Child and Momma Jorje.

We are taking (at least) a photo a day, a collage or a picture each week to keep a record of our year. Join us at any point during the year and start sharing your own daily photos!

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