15 Weeks - Consultant Care by Proxy

A mixed week.

On the plus side, I'm starting to feel less sick. Waves of nausea, rather than feeling constantly nauseous. This has enabled me to finally eat more vegetables, as they no longer turn my stomach, so we've been enjoying some delicious salads. Brilliant for my blood sugars.

Baby's the size of an eclair now, which is ironic as I'm not allowed to eat them!

I think I've had some minimal breast growth, and I'm getting pains in my armpits, which could also be more breast tissue growing. I have no expectations of a full milk supply - that is highly unlikely - but I might make more than last time. I did make more with M than B, so that is a possibility.

Also, we've had our first offer of donor milk for the baby. I hadn't even started to think about getting a stash sorted yet, so this generous offer is wonderful. Now I can be sure that we will be able to supplement with breastmilk as soon as we need to.

However, it turns out that despite declining consultant care, it seems that I'm being consultant-led by proxy.

14 Weeks - Booking In & Dating Scan

I am never more aware of being fat than when I am pregnant.

A time that should be full of hope and excitement and joy can be reduced, in the blink of an eye, to one of fear and worry and stress, just because of a number written on a form. I have found, in both of my previous pregnancies, that as soon as my weight and BMI were taken and recorded on my maternity notes, I was subject to scaremongering, patronisation and poor medical practice. 

The standard practice in UK antenatal care is to place anyone with a high BMI under consultant led care. Weight in itself is considered to make a high risk pregnancy, regardless of maternal health. And from thereon in, the stress and interventions just pile up.

14 Weeks - Baby is the size of a Troll

During my first pregnancy I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, which, as a PCOS sufferer, should not have come as a surprise. Though, having been told by my doctor that as I had achieved pregnancy there was nothing that needed doing about my PCOS, it is no wonder that I was unaware of the other issues of the Syndrome apart from infertility. 

PCOS sufferers often have Insulin Resistance, and a higher risk of developing Type 2 Diabetes in later life. Insulin Resistance, when unrecognised and untreated, can lead to weight gain, which in turn can increase Insulin Resistance, and so on and so on. Much of what I have read has pointed to the fact that it is Insulin Resistance that causes obesity, and not vice versa. 

People don't get Diabetes because they are fat - they get fat because they are already headed towards Diabetes. And with Insulin Resistance comes a propensity for Gestational Diabetes, which is often considered a pointer towards future Type 2 Diabetes, and low milk supply. 

My GP should have known, and informed me, of the problems caused by PCOS. I should have been prepared. But considering it took them 15 years to diagnose me, again I shouldn't be surprised.

Siblings - April 2016

This month these two found out they were going to get a new brother or sister. B was beyond excited at the news; M asked for more yoghurt. They've talked about the baby every day since they found out, and keep kissing my tummy. It will be so interesting to see how the sibling dynamic changes come October. 

As ever, their days are full of playing nicely together and winding each other up something chronic. They can go from helping each other to fisticuffs in the blink of an eye, and back again just as quick. They love each other's company. M misses her big sister dreadfully when B goes off to jiu jitsu. They cuddle and they laugh. B reads to M; M shares ill-gotten snacks with B. They're both completely bonkers, from dawn til dusk, and despite that - or, perhaps, because - we've still decided to have another!

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13 Weeks - Some News

We had our dating scan this week, so we're finally at the happily public stage of pregnancy. Baby 3 is due in October, despite the Hubby's Nan's admonition not to have any more October birthdays!

Artist's Representation of Me!

We found out I was pregnant in mid-February, amid a bit of a stressful time. A flash of joy to focus on.

Me and Mine - March 2016

A super last-minute family photo this month. So last-minute, three quarters of us are in our pyjamas, and we all look exhausted! I don't know how we managed to get to 31st March without a single picture of the four of us. Looking through this month's photos, I've found plenty of group shots with friends and family, which at least shows we've been busy enjoying ourselves. There have been Mother's Day and Easter celebrations, jiu jitsu awards, a trip to London, and an inordinate number of birthday parties. B's reading is a constant source of amazement to me, and others who discover her burgeoning skill; M's speech is developing at a rate of knots, meaning she can now argue with the best of them! The Hubby has been working hard, as usual, and still finding time to look after us all well. 

This month...

The Hubby has enjoyed:

Sunshine

Making a Victoria sponge with B

His dad's birthday 

A day in Cambridge 

Celebrating a Passover meal during Holy Week

Watching House

I have enjoyed:

Knitting

Easter

Watching Untouchable

Mary Berry's Easter Feast

Time spent with family and friends 

B has enjoyed:

Winning worker-of-the-week at jiu jitsu

Lego

Watching The Miracle Maker

Making chocolate rice crispy cakes

Wearing her Merida dress nearly every day

M has enjoyed:

Undoing buttons

Sneakily eating chocolate eggs and Easter cakes

Making her Easter bonnet

Making a bead bracelet 

Face swap photos with Daddy

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Siblings - March 2016

It's been almost impossible to get these two to stay still for long enough to take a photo this month. Two of these photos are stills from videos! I must make a more concerted effort next month. 

Still a great deal of playing together, loudly, and with plenty of disagreements. They seem to argue more, as M gets bigger and more confident - though she's never been the shy, retiring type! - but they're quick to apologise, reconcile and forgive, leaving me with the headache, while they return to their games. 

I love to see them doing yoga together, and to hear B reading to M. They do care a great deal for each other. M even refers to her big sister as, "My best friend called B." Heart melting, right!

Me and Mine - February 2016

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Siblings - February 2016

So many funny games they play together now - weddings, light sabre fights, weddings with light sabre fights, doctors, families, and untitled games that basically consist of lots of screaming and pushing each other. And their current favourite, "Trapped," where one of them stands against the wall, saying, "I'm trapped," and the other comes to rescue them, and then they swap. It's delightful to hear them playing so happily together, or to hear nothing and then discover them sat side by side, looking at books. B's leaps forward in reading mean that she can read stories to M now too, which makes me smile. 

Of course, as with all siblings, there are fights. Sharing is still a tough one for them both, and M has worked out exactly how to wind up her sister, as do all younger siblings, the world over! They can't sit next to each other at meal times, because of swinging legs and irritating hands, but sitting opposite one another they make each other laugh so much. They're learning empathy and sympathy, and how to be patient and generous, and to take turns. 

They are such good friends. 

Me and Mine - January 2016

And so begins another year of joining in with the Me and Mine project hosted by Lucy at Dear Beautiful. 

I took a brief glance back at last January's Me and Mine post. Turns out I was even less organised this year than last. Our family photo this month is a swift shot taken when I suddenly remembered what day it was! January has disappeared in a flurry of activity. New Year and Epiphany celebrations; wintry walks and National Trust visits; trips to Center Parcs, Southwold and Bristol; Spanish and Jiu Jitsu classes; baking and green smoothies; and lots of playing with Lego. This time last year M was just starting to say a few words; now she can speak in full sentences, and has no problem in making herself understood. B is so grown up, learning to read and write at her own pace, helping more around the house, and just generally surprising us every day. As a foursome we have spent more quality time together this month than usual, perhaps down to our journey into The Life-changing Magic of Tidying. This has seen us getting more clutter out of our house than ever before, allowing us to spend more time at weekends enjoying each others' company than frantically tidying and cleaning. Still a way to go, but we're all already enjoying the benefits of keeping only the Joy Sparkers.

This month...

The Hubby has enjoyed:

Making headway in kon-mari-ing our house

Growing his beard

Jiu Jitsu

Using Instagram 

Getting more involved in volunteering for NCT

I have enjoyed:

Walking on the beach at Southwold

Taking up knitting

Listening to B read

Avocado on toast 

Seeing B & M both get more confident in the water

B has enjoyed:

Jiu-jitsu

Spending her own money on Lego

Reading books to anyone who will listen

Dressing up

Swimming at Center Parcs 

M has enjoyed:

Undoing buttons

Smoothies

Watching Bernard

Singing Away in a Manger

Climbing on anything and everything, especially when her climb leads to finding chocolate! 

 

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The Extra Mile

The rule in our house is that everyone must stay at the table until everyone has finished their meal. This has worked pretty well until recently, when M started to sit on a grown up chair instead of her booster seat. She gets down and wanders. She's only 2 years 2 months, so we give a little leeway, a couple of chances to return, but we've explained that if someone leaves the table, then we presume that they have finished and won't be wanting anything else to eat, including pudding.

Yesterday, she got down from the table and, despite three reminders that if she chose to leave she would be finished and would not be joining us for dessert, she chose to leave the kitchen and was gone for about 10 minutes. The rest of us were just starting to eat our pudding, when she turned up and demanded cake. We explained again that she had chosen to leave the meal, so she was finished. Of course, she cried. We empathised. She was still cross.

A voice piped up from next to me. B told me, "Oh, just let her have some!" The loyalty of sisters! But I explained to her too. She's had the same happen to her before, so she nodded and went back to her cake. But, I should have noticed the funny little smile on her face.

Why I Wear a Star of David

When I bought my silver Star of David, in a Holocaust museum in Kraków, it was to be a reminder of my trip. We had heard a Holocaust survivor speak. Moving doesn't even begin to describe that. The strength of the man, to have seen and experienced such horror, and yet to be still full of life and love and forgiveness. I wanted to remember that human ability to survive and to love. 

We visited Auschwitz-Birkenau. What a desolate place. Silent, but for the visitors. No birds overhead. I walked along the train tracks there and prayed. There, where the horrendous train journeys ended; where people thought they were being sent for showers; where the infirm, elderly, disabled, young and pregnant were cut off from the fit and healthy; where people were chosen for extermination or toil. I can't remember all that I prayed, though I know I asked for understanding, naively thanked G-d that we now lived in a world where "Never Again" was the mantra, called for peace to reign.

Siblings - January 2016

Four and two - both interesting ages, with their challenges and delights. These two are the best of friends, and mortal enemies. One minute hugging and kissing, the next screaming and hitting. They play all sorts of make believe, though B's imagination is much wilder than M's, and they can't always agree on who should be Cinderella. 

M adores her big sister, wants to do everything B does, and is desperate to help her, finding her shoes and offering her toys. B thinks M is cute, but struggles with their differing levels of ability, speech and understanding. Having a little sister can be very frustrating. 

B's reading is coming along amazingly, and it's lovely to find her reading books to M, snuggled up on the settee. M's speech has taken a massive leap over Christmas, and I frequently hear her talking about "my sister," and having conversations with B. 

I'm looking forward to another year of taking part in the siblings project, seeing how these two grow and change together. 

Twelfth Night Sausage Rolls: Using Up Christmas Leftovers

It's Twelfth Night; tomorrow we celebrate Epiphany - the visit of the Magi to the Baby Jesus - and the end of the Christmas season. Tradition has it that all Christmas decorations must come down tonight, though our Nativity set will remain until we've had our Epiphany party tomorrow. And I've heard people say that today is the day to finish off all Christmas food in the house. I'm fairly certain we won't manage that, having four selection boxes, a stollen, a massive panettone, oodles of chocolate coins, pandoro, a Christmas pudding, and a tub of Celebrations still left to consume! However, if you're looking for a way to use up the remnants of the mincemeat, and can't face another mince pie, you've come to the right place.

Here is my recipe for Twelfth Night Sausage Rolls, though they can be quite happily enjoyed at any time over the Christmas period. We munched our way through them on New Year's Day, so quickly, in fact, that we only had two and a half left when I remembered that I wanted to photograph them! They are moist, and lightly spiced, with gentle Christmas flavours on the inside, and crisp, golden pastry on the outside. Perfect for a snack or light meal whilst catching up on the Christmas telly you missed.

Oops - forgot to do a fancy photo, because they just smelled so inviting!

Me and Mine - December 2015

Father Christmas's First Real Visit

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This year B is incredibly excited about Father Christmas, and her excitement is rubbing off on M who keeps telling us, "Santa Clause is comin' a-town!" Last Christmas was the first year B understood and got excited about Father Christmas. She told me she wanted to leave Father Christmas some milk to drink with his mince pie; and she remembered that we had found out at a friend's party that reindeer like to eat mushrooms, so we duly placed a mushroom out too.

It turns out, reindeer like mushrooms.

But it was that Christmas morning that will be in my memory forever. When she woke up, B was only interested in checking Father Christmas's tray. She didn't ask about her stocking; she didn't look to see if there were presents by the tree; she ran to the tray and, with a look of pure delight, declared, "Father Christmas left me a bit of his mince pie!"

Christmas Necessities

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A lot of bread sauce for the two of us on our honeymoon!

I love Christmas, but there are a few things that I absolutely need if Christmas is going to be just right. These are the things that come out year after year, or that live permanently on my Christmas shopping list, so that I can't forget them.

First off, Christmas just isn't Christmas for me if I can't have Bread Sauce with my Christmas Dinner, and enough of it to have leftovers to add to Boxing Day sandwiches, or just eat out of the bowl with a spoon. And it has to be proper bread sauce; none of this packet nonsense. I usually find that people who say they don't like bread sauce have never tried the real, homemade stuff. If that's you, then now's your year, folks. I use Delia's Traditional Bread Sauce recipe. It's simple and delicious, and I pretty much know it off by heart now.

Kids Don't Stop at Christmas

The cattle are lowing, the baby awakes

But little Lord Jesus, no crying he makes...

Nappies still need changing.

I greatly doubt it. Jesus was a human baby - he'd have cried at some point. Just like ordinary babies. Because babies don't know that one day is different to any other day. They continue living to their own rhythm. They still need feeding and winding and changing, with very little regard for our desire to cook an over the top lunch, or watch the Queen's speech, or have a lovely afternoon nap.

A young baby, however - unlike a boisterous toddler - can be happily accommodated at some Christmas activities. We took B to a candlelit carol service at 4 months old. She gurgled quietly, fed noisily, and slept happily through the rest. Unlike the lady behind us who loudly rustled her sweet wrappers during every quiet bit.

Obligatory Christmas Pics

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Christmas Cooking with the Kids

Yeah! Biscuit Art!

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I'll make Christmas cookies with the girls, I thought. That'll be a wonderfully relaxing time for us all.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That's me laughing hysterically, by the way.

Various events conspired against me, and we didn't end up getting started until nearly 4 o'clock, and M hadn't had a nap, despite being up since 5, so what - in my imagination - was going to be a delightful activity, where we bonded and laughed, and made beautiful biscuit masterpieces, actually turned out to be B having a lovely time, whilst I tried to stop M from eating the dough, throwing it on the floor, stealing B's cutters, and destroying the table with her rolling pin! Let's just say that, though I saved the table, I'm fairly certain we're going to find cookie dough in various crevices of the kitchen for months to come.

Just Add Glitter!

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When it comes to crafts, I'm not so great. Pinterest is both my friend and my nemesis. I love so much that I see there, but when I try the ideas out I invariably fail! And trying to do anything off Pinterest with the kids just results in everyone getting frustrated. So, today, we're going old school. Primary school to be precise. Those were the days, eh! Simple crafts, specifically designed for small children to do fairly unaided. The only Christmas crafts I can remember making at school are angels made from Art Straws, and gift tags made out of old Christmas cards. In the absence of any Art Straws - do they even make those anymore? - I have opted for the gift tags. While I suspect that most of you know how to do these, let's pretend you've never experienced the fun that is chopping up Christmas cards. Or perhaps you didn't attend school in the late 80s/early 90s and these might be new and amazing to you!