Thursday, 6 October 2016

38 Weeks - Approaching the End

37 weeks pregnant
Bump at 37+4

I feel I owe you all an apology.

I intended this pregnancy series to be a positive and helpful account of being pregnant with Gestational Diabetes.

And it has been anything but.

I wish I'd blogged about M's pregnancy - that was a positive time. I knew what I was doing and everything went to plan. It would have been the perfect way to show that a diagnosis of Gestational Diabetes doesn't have to mean you'll become just another statistic with a pregnancy ending in interventions and an unpleasant birth story.

I wanted to write informative posts about how to eat low carb to control your blood sugars; exciting meal plans to make Gestational Diabetes less of a drag; interesting posts about where to find plus size maternity clothes in the UK; positive updates on my uneventful pregnancy.

Instead, you've had to read about the incessant ups and downs I've been going through, and about all my worries and anxieties.

My prayer is that my accounts of my experiences during this pregnancy have been of help to someone.

I hope that I have been able to empower someone to trust their instincts.

I hope that someone out there has been given the confidence to stand up for their own choices in pregnancy.

I hope that I've reassured someone that Gestational Diabetes isn't their fault.

And now, in pregnancy news...

I'm in the full term category now, but my Midwife has told me to hold off on giving birth this week, as she's on leave.

My homebirth plans are off.

Another scan last week showed my waters have increased slightly, though they're still in the mild category. I've made the decision to go into hospital to have baby because of the risk of cord prolapse. If my waters were to break before baby's head is engaged, then there is a risk that the umbilical cord could come out first, which means an emergency caesarean.

It would also require me to get down on my knees, with my head down and bum in the air, and to then be taken to hospital in an ambulance with someone's hand up my bits, holding baby's head away from the cord.

Honestly, if that has to happen, I would prefer it to be in hospital. For safety, of course. But also, if my neighbours saw me being transported out of our front door into an ambulance in that position, then we would have to move house! I don't think I could ever face any of them again.

I had an opportunity to meet with the Infant Feeding Coordinator at the hospital. She reassured me about a few things regarding the nasogastric tube to check for tracheo-oesophageal fistula and getting feeding established after caesarean or with a baby in NICU.

I also briefly saw my Consultant after my scan. I didn't have an appointment with her, but the sonographer bleeped her because she clearly didn't trust me when I said I was seeing my midwife afterwards and panics whenever I say that I don't go to the Diabetes Clinic. My Consultant was visibly annoyed that she'd been bleeped, told me she wasn't worried, and said to get the scan repeated in 3 weeks, which was our original plan.

Dog wrapped in blanket
Do Not Disturb!
Non-medically, I am simply exhausted.

I'm finding these last few weeks of pregnancy really hard.

All I want to do is curl up in bed, on my own, to hibernate. I want time to rest, to think, to prepare myself for the task ahead.

But I still have a long list of jobs to complete.

And a great deal of parenting to do.

Parenting whilst pregnant is so hard!

I'm tired in so many ways, not just physically, but I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old who need me to be fully present for them.

I need to practise some self-care, so that I have the mental and physical strength to labour and then care for a newborn.

My blood sugars are becoming harder to control as I approach the end of pregnancy. They're still well within the acceptable limits, but I see the numbers creeping up. There are 5s, and occasional 6s, which I don't like. I've been happy with my 4s, because I know they're as far as I can get from the 7.8mmol/L that will make alarm bells ring.

I'm strict with myself.

And proud.

I like to hear the wows and well dones from the healthcare providers I have to tell about my blood sugars.

I don't want to fail at this, because I've insisted from the start that I can control the Gestational Diabetes. I like to be in control, and my blood sugars have been the one thing I've been able to be in control of during this pregnancy.

And now I feel under pressure.

I'm tired, so I'm moving less, and I'm finding it harder to cook. If I pick an easier to prepare meal, I have to have a tiny portion and I end up hungry; if I spend time making something filling that will keep my sugars low, I end up exhausted afterwards.

I know the solution is to be slightly less strict about the numbers, but I worry that they'll just get higher and higher.

 I keep reminding myself there are only a few weeks left.

And I make the most of the Hubby being around to make me big salads in the evenings. But it's getting colder outside now, and I want to eat hot, comforting food.

I'm so looking forward to having a different set of anxieties and worries when this baby is born. Don't they say, a change is as good as a rest!

As always, I appreciate the prayers of those of you who pray, and I continue to focus on the words of Julian of Norwich:

"All shall be well. All shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."

Statistics from the last 2 Weeks
38 weeks pregnant ukelele
Baby is the size of a ukelele
Average after meal sugars: 5.1 mmol/L
Average fasting sugars: 4.7 mmol/L
Weight:  -2 lb

Catch up: 36 Weeks
Next: 39 Weeks


Images: Pixabay

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